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Vistashock

September 4, 2007

Vista busy cursor Introducing Vistashock, the award-winning new OS (Obfuscating System) from Microshock, the world leader in shocking software.

Never mind System Shock and its successor Bioshock, where you can visit the dystopian undersea city of Rapture and do battle with genetic mutants. Now you can plumb even greater depths.

Vistashock will take you into a creepy nightmare world where you need to keep your wits about you and stretch your abilities to the limits just to complete the simplest goal (like sending an eek-mail) without falling foul of the lurking baddies.

The graphics interface breaks new grounds with its startling use of Alfa Glass technology, which as any optimist will tell you is better than none. The dark, gloomy theme featuring black taskbars and windows will chill you to the core. Vistashock dares you try to make out what evils lurk half visible behind the semi-translucent window frames.

Once in Vistashock’s atmospheric and disturbing world, you are transported into a chilling domain which clutches you to its bosom and challenges your faculties. It is hard to pigeon-hole Vistashock into any simple genre, but it can best be described as a development on the FPS (Fast Pass to Suicide) theme.

You will not have to face the challenges of Vistashock alone. Your friend is the search box at the bottom of the Startle Menu. Try keying in the letters H – E – L – P … You can also try prayer.

Vistashock will lead you through a series of daunting tests. Starting with simple goals, like emptying the Bin of Death. Will your nerve hold up as you wait for Vistashock to calculate the minutes left to you?

If you pass that test you must learn how to escape from the clutches of the DiskThrasher, the evil demon which drives your hard disk into an uncontrollable frenzy when you attempt to awake Vistashock from its state of CorpseSleep.

If you are brave enough to play on, you will meet UAC (the Ugly Abominable Creep) which leaps out at you when you least expect him whenever you try to attain the goal of Installation. The UAC will hurl insults at you, accusing you of attempting to dabble deep in the bowels of Vistashock’s forbidden zone. You have to be very deft with your mouse to banish the UAC back to the stinking swamp from which it arose.

As you progress through Vistashock, you will naturally look for an unfolding story to make sense of everything that happens. This could be the hardest challenge of all. Because, frankly, you can forget trying to decipher the plot. Microshock have lost it.

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2 comments

  1. Care to elaborate, Jim?

    I emailed this to Paul Thurrott, ultimate Microsoft journalist, and he could see the funny side.


  2. You suck.



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